Why Is Gift Giving So Hard? Some Ideas to Keep it Simple | Conversations With the Browns
Mister Brown and Andrea Brown discuss the ins and outs of gift giving and choosing the right gift for the people on your list
It is the holiday season of 2020 and gift giving is on everyone’s mind. Today, we take some time to talk about the joy and stress of gift giving. If you are having trouble finding the right gift for the people in your life, listen to this episode.
In the Brown household, Andrea is known for being a great gift giver. I have a special story about her ability to give great gifts from our 9th wedding anniversary.
We had agreed not to give each other gifts that year. However, Andrea got me something. It wasn’t just one gift though. She gave me ten gifts! I felt very empty-handed, but it is a great example of just how important gift giving is to Andrea. You can check out the video of what it was like to receive those gifts on our Life With the Browns YouTube channel.
Why are some people so good at giving gifts?
For Andrea, gift giving is something that she values and people are always blown away by her gifts. The saying, “It’s the thought that counts,” really applies here. Gift giving isn’t about the dollar amount spent, but the thought behind the gift. You can see here just what I mean about thoughtful gift giving.
Giving the right gifts doesn’t have to be hard. It’s partially about knowing the person you are giving to. For some people, the gift of time is what is valued more than material gifts.
Gift giving is also about not expecting something in return. Andrea had fun with the gifts she gave me on our 9th anniversary. We had planned not to give gifts, but she was excited when she came up with the idea for the ten gifts.
How can you make gift giving less stressful?
Gift giving has become consumed with anguish and anxiety. Instead of the holidays being a time of celebration, it has become a time of stress because of the need or perceived need to give gifts.
Start the gift-giving season by talking to your loved ones and finding out what the expectations are, if there are any. It could be that the perceived need to give gifts is just that, a perception that you have. You may all decide to enjoy the celebration and time spent with each other and forego material gift giving. Or you may do what some large families and friend groups do, and draw names to give a gift to one person instead of the whole bunch.
Whether you find out the expectation for gift giving or not, stop feeling like you must reciprocate gift giving. When someone gives you something, you might feel like you have to give something in return. Or maybe you try not to accept the gift at all.
Think of receiving a gift this way: you’re stealing someone’s joy of giving if you don’t accept the gift with gratitude. The best way to repay someone who gives you a gift is to receive it with thankfulness. Pause, be grateful, say thank you, and let them receive the joy of giving.
Maybe the stress about gift giving comes from thinking you have to give something big. Whether it’s big in size or big in cost, you might feel the pressure to give in a big way. You may feel that your gift doesn’t have value if it’s not large or expensive. Stop and remember that gift giving isn’t about the item itself, but the person you are giving to. Sometimes doing the small things matters more than going big.
Three ways of looking at gift-giving that will help you give meaningful gifts to anyone
So, you have decided that giving gifts is on the list this holiday, but you need some tips for giving the perfect gift. Here are three categories that will help you to give meaningful and thoughtful gifts to anyone.
This is a gift that you give to someone that you have a relationship with. You want to give a gift that communicates value. It might have some level of surprise to it too, but it can be something you already knew they wanted. The important thing is that the person receiving the gift feels seen.
In this situation, the person you are giving to may be someone you have a relationship with, but maybe you aren’t around them a lot or talk very often. You aren’t as close to them as you are with the person in the first situation. This may be someone in a group of family members or friends. Gift giving in this situation is a practice every year of affirming that relationship. Giving to this person is a reminder that this relationship matters even when you don’t know them well or see them often.
Finally, there is the situation where you give a gift to someone you don’t know well at all. This could be a co-worker or teacher gift. You still want to affirm them through gift giving, but there is little to no relationship. One technique is to get gifts that have meaning in another way or that have a story behind them. Buying fair trade products is one way to do this. Many fair trade products come with a backstory and help support artisans or special projects in the world. We like Mercy House Global and their fair trade Friday subscription. The profits go towards helping women find sustainable work and escape from poverty. Using fair trade products is a way to give gifts that are meaningful and can be given to anyone on your list.
The gift wish list
A gift wish list might seem very selfish. If you can just trade wish lists with people, then why don’t you just buy your own stuff, right? However, the gift wish list has its place and it can be a relational exercise and not just a transaction.
For anyone that you are giving to, the gift list can be helpful. One way to make sure the gift giving doesn’t feel like a transaction, is to look at the gift wish list as a window into where that person is at in their life. You can get to know the person and what they like through their wish list. Whether you have a gift wish list to go off of or not, gift giving is a physical token of affirming value in someone else.
Keep gift giving in perspective
You don’t need a big budget to give gifts. Giving gifts takes thought work, but it communicates to the person you are giving to that you appreciate and value them as an individual.
What did you think about today’s conversation? Do you like giving gifts or is it stressful for you? Do you have some tips for giving great gifts that you’d like to share?
Send us your questions and your thoughts. Let’s continue this conversation.
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